Fable #1

Here it is...Stephenie's mad lib! I know you've all been waiting for it so I won't keep you in suspence any longer. Read on my little blogger friends and enjoy!

Once upon a time, a hot boat expert named Barak felt a cold pain. He sent for a scatter-brained surgeon who looked at his wishy-washy stomach and said, "Gadzooks!" Then he muttered skillfully, " I see your trouble. The love on your pathetic stomach is overlapping the hate next to your kidney." The surgeon pathetically took him to the feverish operating room of the hospital. There he made a skilled incision reaching from the patient's lightbulb to his chemist." Confound it!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that idiotic intruder." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the washcloth out of the basket, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the watch.
Moral: A film in time saves nine.

Taken from: Mad Libs by Roger Price and Leonard Stern

Mad Libs

Colleen and I have been doing Mad Libs at work and some of them have made us laugh so hard that we nearly fell off our chairs.
In case you don't know how it works, I'll tell you.
You start with a story that is missing some key words and then you ask someone to fill in the blanks with words of their own.Are you ready?
I need:

• 8 adjectives
• 10 nouns (not places)
• 2 adverbs
• Name of someone you know
• 2 exclamations

Now and Later

Always use the right side.
Never wonder why.
Don't ask questions.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh.....

Cha Cha Cha Charmin

Mrs. Dunwoody's

My dear friend Stephenie pointed out a book at Barnes and Noble this weekend that caught my attention and I decided to purchase. I haven't been able to put it down! The book is called Mrs. Dunwoody's Excellent Instructions For Homekeeping. It is such great book! It's filled with advise and recipes, tips and wisdom for any woman! Some insights in the book are how to tell when a watermelon is ripe (one side should be yellow) or how to get out ring around the collar (apply a paste of vinegar and baking soda and let set for fifteen to thirty minutes then wash as usual.) to advise for entertaining and the best way to show sympathy when someone loses a loved one. It suggests starting your day with prayer and finding your happiness in the things God has called you to do.
Doing all things with excellence, even the things we would normally complain about. That being a homemaker is an important and Godly calling. I highly recommend this book.

How to avoid boredom...

Things you can do with very little:

• See what's in your neighbour's trash:(Amusement Potential: 20-30 minutes) You can learn a lot about people by what they throw out. You might uncover some dark secret about them. Plus, they might be throwing out something with value that still works, like a VCR.
• Watch TV, repeat everything said in Italian accent:(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes) Sort of entertaining. Fun to pretend the people on the screen are actually talking that way.
• Make prank phone calls:(Amusement Potential: 20-60 minutes) Very entertaining, but requires discipline. Remember - vulgarities don't make a call funny, but getting the other person to believe a ridiculous story will. Even more fun if you get a bunch of people on the line using a Wonderphone and take turns making the calls. One to get you started off: Call McDonald's, try to make reservations.
• Pretend all humans will die except for people in the room with you:(Amusement Potential: 10-20 minutes) What would you do if this really happened? Would the group stay together, or would there be factions? Who would join what group? Remember, there would only be power for a few days before the plants ran out of fuel or broke. To travel, you would always have to be near cars to siphon gas out of. Best to do with people you know.
• Step off a curb with eyes shut, imagine it's a cliff:(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes) To get any benefit out of this one, you have to have a good imagination. Don't step off immediately, build up to the jump. Study the ravine below. Feel the winds at that altitude. Step off and... AHHHHHH!!!!!
  

Things you can do with another person:

• Have a water drinking contest:(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes) While the competition is fun, you probably won't feel too good afterward. To give your event an old western theme, slam the cups upside down on the tables after you have emptied them.
• Stare at the back of someone's head until they turn around:(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes) This works on the "I have the feeling I'm being watched" principle. Conduct an experiment--does this really work?
• Have a "Who is less competitive" competition:(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) Trying to win at this will make you lose. Trying to lose makes you win which makes you lose. Not trying at all makes you lose which makes you win which makes you lose.
• Pick up a dog so it can see things from your point of view:(Amusement Potential: 3-5 minutes) Think about it: your dog has only seen the house from a viewpoint from 6" to 2' high (15 to 60 cm for all you metric fans). It's never seen the tops of counters, what you keep on your desk, the tops of shelves, etc. Try looking at things from its point of view, too.
• Pour water in hand, make sneeze noise, throw water on back of person's neck:(Amusement Potential: 5-15 minutes) Always a good gag. For an even bigger reaction out of the person, act like you're not sorry at all for what they think you did. Comment instead on how big that sneeze was or about how there was a lot of mucus in that one.

Untitled

By saying this is Untitled I think I just gave it a title. This is like circular reasoning or an oxymoron or something...I don't know. Whatever.
Anyway, I've been spending a lot of time looking up jokes to make me laugh, as if anyone looks up a joke to make them cry, duh! Here is one of my favorites even if it is a bit immature. Enjoy!

• One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. They ask, "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you good?""It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart!"